ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
