Are we in a gay sports bar?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
