Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
