We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
