Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He called his prostate his "boner button".
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
