oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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