New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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