is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize