piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
