you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
