Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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