Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
