bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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