You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize