When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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