I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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