Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize