singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize