My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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