So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
