That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize