I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize