I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
