I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
