bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize