i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
