If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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