you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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