Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize