I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
