I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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