he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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