i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
