I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
two words...techno handjob
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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