It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
