How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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