i can't believe i had my finger in that
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
