I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
