i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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