i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
