Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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