Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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