i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
a search helicopter?!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize