Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
zippers are such a cool invention
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize