DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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