My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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