Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
