I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
