Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
