so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
