Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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