There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
