I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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