You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
