There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He did a backflip because drugs
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