He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
