Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
