Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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