thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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