I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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