Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
