Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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