I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
