i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
