I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
