I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
