i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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