And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
