I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
