he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
