One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
