just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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