That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
